I saw my therapist today... I actually didn't make the appointment just to talk about the engagement situation, but we had time at the end and so I brought it up. She told me that the exAP is always going to do that to me... and my job is to deal with it each time, pack it up and process it, and put him back on the shelf where he belongs. Then when he gets brought back into the front of my mind through an event like this or any other, just expect that it will make you get that drug rush that was the hot forbidden side of the affair. Wait it out, process it how you can, don't do anything stupid... and this too shall pass. It helped me to hear her perspective, and to know that even if it only applies and rings true for me today, I can come back to this pattern and just know each time I feel a relapse, I just need to do what I'm doing now. Write about it, think about it, let it pass. Thank you all for listening.
So, sometime in the last month, I hit the true one year no contact mark. The last time I heard from the ex affair partner, he called me at work because he had gotten wind of an email announcement my husband and I drafted together last May. It was a message we decided to jointly send to our mutual friends (friends with us and the ex affair partner) to tell them that the affair happened, and ask them to not mention the ex affair partner to us anymore. We also asked them to keep it confidential. Obviously since he called me about it someone told him... not surprising I guess. We all were part of a pretty close-knit group of friends while the affair was going on. It's been five years or more since we have all lived in the same state, but we knew most of our mutual friends still kept in contact with the ex affair partner. So it follows that one of them was still close enough with him to tell him we had sent the message. Anyway. Here's what it felt like to hear his voice on the oth...
Thanks for this post. I need to remind myself of the same.
ReplyDeleteI must get back into therapy.
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