The perspective of over three years is astounding. I had insomnia tonight and slept a grand total of about 20 minutes. In the past sleepless nights came with thoughts of our fantasy life together, or replaying steamy scenes from our sordid past. Tonight, here is what I remembered with stunning clarity: each and every time he let me down, and precisely how. Let's review two bookends that serve as nice highlights, shall we?
1. When talking about my mom that had passed just 6 months after our affair started, I remarked that she had been so young. ExAP's comment? "How old was she?" Me: "64." Him: "That's not THAT young."
2. When he started dating the girl he's now married to, it was one week after our last tryst. Just over a month after that began, he brought her to a party at our house. The party was supposed to start at 7. Most people didn't get there until 8pm or later. He and the new GF showed up at 5:00pm. DH and I had to chitchat with them the whole time. I began drinking myself into a stupor right then.
He started an asshole, and never changed. I'm so glad I don't have him in my life. I'm so glad I got away from him and realized what a wonderful, good man DH is. I'm so glad I don't waste any more of my precious time fantasizing about the man exAP never was.
I may still have my sleepless nights, but I can still rest easier than I used to. Welcome, 2011.