My dirty, despicable, horrible affair

Yeah. Like it's going to end as soon as he's married. Poof! I won't obsess about it anymore! Right? Oh crap. Well, for a while I thought I was going to be past this... I went to see my therapist, and then the next few days I magically didn't care about him at all. Thoughts would come to my mind and I'd bat them away effortlessly. Even seeing a band that meant something to us had no effect. Until about Monday... for some reason, I couldn't sleep Monday. So I did the usual routine. Log into Facebook and take off the block... check for his posts... I found none, but his profile pic is now of both of them. Wow, there's that jealousy. Ugly little thing, where were you hiding? So that's pretty much gripping me now. Thinking evil awful thoughts, like I hope it rains or snows on their outdoor ceremony, and I hope she really has put on weight as it appears in the tiny photo... and thinking I hope it's not much fun for all of our mutual friends that are going....

OK, now this is pretty despicable. One of my best friends in the world, who also happens to be one of the exAP's long ago ex girlfriends, has given me a link to information. WHY would she do that, you ask? Well, she didn't. I did. I won't get into detail, but through a weird chain of events I was reminded of what her email password is, since I had logged in for her once when we were sitting together to look at pictures or something. So I tried it and.... bingo. That is pretty terrible, isn't it? To go into your friend's email.

Owwwwwwwwwwww, ouch. OK, if there was ever an argument for staying in the dark about the ex affair partner, this is it. I have of course blocked him on all of my social networking pages. Stupidly I unblocked just to see if he had written on any mutual friends pages. And yes he did. Just yesterday, he wrote that "we have been engaged for almost two weeks now." I don't have anything to say. Just ow. That fucking really hurts. I wish I didn't know it.