10.27.2009

The last week of torture

Yeah. Like it's going to end as soon as he's married. Poof! I won't obsess about it anymore! Right? Oh crap. Well, for a while I thought I was going to be past this... I went to see my therapist, and then the next few days I magically didn't care about him at all. Thoughts would come to my mind and I'd bat them away effortlessly. Even seeing a band that meant something to us had no effect. Until about Monday... for some reason, I couldn't sleep Monday. So I did the usual routine. Log into Facebook and take off the block... check for his posts... I found none, but his profile pic is now of both of them. Wow, there's that jealousy. Ugly little thing, where were you hiding? So that's pretty much gripping me now. Thinking evil awful thoughts, like I hope it rains or snows on their outdoor ceremony, and I hope she really has put on weight as it appears in the tiny photo... and thinking I hope it's not much fun for all of our mutual friends that are going. There, aren't those pretty thoughts? So, my insides are still dark and flawed and corrupt. At least I leave on vacation Saturday... that should distract me some. Until then, trying to survive the countdown week. And trying to stop expecting the phone to ring.

2 comments:

  1. Anonymous6:28 PM

    I wish you strength this week and weekend. You are not alone in pain.

    E

    ReplyDelete

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