Yeah. Like it's going to end as soon as he's married. Poof! I won't obsess about it anymore! Right? Oh crap. Well, for a while I thought I was going to be past this... I went to see my therapist, and then the next few days I magically didn't care about him at all. Thoughts would come to my mind and I'd bat them away effortlessly. Even seeing a band that meant something to us had no effect. Until about Monday... for some reason, I couldn't sleep Monday. So I did the usual routine. Log into Facebook and take off the block... check for his posts... I found none, but his profile pic is now of both of them. Wow, there's that jealousy. Ugly little thing, where were you hiding? So that's pretty much gripping me now. Thinking evil awful thoughts, like I hope it rains or snows on their outdoor ceremony, and I hope she really has put on weight as it appears in the tiny photo... and thinking I hope it's not much fun for all of our mutual friends that are going. There, aren't those pretty thoughts? So, my insides are still dark and flawed and corrupt. At least I leave on vacation Saturday... that should distract me some. Until then, trying to survive the countdown week. And trying to stop expecting the phone to ring.
So, sometime in the last month, I hit the true one year no contact mark. The last time I heard from the ex affair partner, he called me at work because he had gotten wind of an email announcement my husband and I drafted together last May. It was a message we decided to jointly send to our mutual friends (friends with us and the ex affair partner) to tell them that the affair happened, and ask them to not mention the ex affair partner to us anymore. We also asked them to keep it confidential. Obviously since he called me about it someone told him... not surprising I guess. We all were part of a pretty close-knit group of friends while the affair was going on. It's been five years or more since we have all lived in the same state, but we knew most of our mutual friends still kept in contact with the ex affair partner. So it follows that one of them was still close enough with him to tell him we had sent the message. Anyway. Here's what it felt like to hear his voice on the oth...
I wish you strength this week and weekend. You are not alone in pain.
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Thank you so much.
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