10.09.2009

Ambien help me now

I haven't been sleeping. The other night was a non-stop half waking dream about the exAP. And at one point, oddly, chatting with his fiance. SUCK. Did I tell you all I met her? He brought her to a Halloween party at my house two years ago. That night I was such a goddamn mess. In fact, the last time he ever saw me was in a crumpled drunk mess on the floor in my bathroom. He told me he wanted to fuck me. So.... yeah. It's SO nice to have met his fiance. Last night I initiated sex with DH. We have had an extreme reduction in sex life ever since right after the affair discovery. Weird thing is, at first it had heated up. Forgiveness and reuniting fueled us. But then about 2 months after discovery I was diagnosed with gigantic fibroids in my uterus. I ultimately had to get a hysterectomy. Because of pain issues and a lot of surgeries, at first less sex made sense. Then, it was recovering from the weirdness of the hyst. But that was last December... by now I feel normal again. But still we only have sex like once every two weeks or so. Should I be worried? Is DH going elsewhere or has he just geared down with age? He's 40.

Anyway, the point is... the sex did not help me sleep. I broke down and took an Ambien at 1am. It is going to continue getting rougher as the 31st approaches. Yep, that is his wedding day. Mother effer.

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