Back to therapy
I saw my therapist today... I actually didn't make the appointment just to talk about the engagement situation, but we had time at the end and so I brought it up. She told me that the exAP is always going to do that to me... and my job is to deal with it each time, pack it up and process it, and put him back on the shelf where he belongs. Then when he gets brought back into the front of my mind through an event like this or any other, just expect that it will make you get that drug rush that was the hot forbidden side of the affair. Wait it out, process it how you can, don't do anything stupid... and this too shall pass. It helped me to hear her perspective, and to know that even if it only applies and rings true for me today, I can come back to this pattern and just know each time I feel a relapse, I just need to do what I'm doing now. Write about it, think about it, let it pass. Thank you all for listening.