5.01.2009

So my husband found out about my affair.

Yes. I haven't posted in a long time. For the last year and a half, I've been recovering from that discovery.
In between my last posts and discovery date, my life was falling apart from the damage done by this affair. I hope to use this blog to work through some of the impacts and motivations for what I did. I have journaled a lot about it for myself, but I have been wanting to write about it in a place that allows my experience to be shared where it can be useful to others. If this blog makes you feel disgusted and/or judgmental, you probably shouldn't be here. If anything, go ahead and feel free to judge me silently as you read, but please don't comment just to tell me how awful my actions were. That is between me and my husband and trust me, we worked it out and are moving forward together. If you really still feel you need to chastise me, know that I've been pretty stellar at being hard on myself through the whole thing, so I promise I don't need any more help feeling bad about it. Forgiveness is also not what I am here for. I want to be clear that I won't be standing on the soap box and telling other people all about why not to do it. If anything, I am here to try and help people understand why affairs can happen. Why they are human mistakes. I have felt a tremendous amount of self-hatred and loathing through this whole ordeal. Getting to the root of that is so necessary to heal yourself. Even now, there are days I would do anything to go back in time and erase what I did, because it feels like that would be the only way to be "good" again. At the same time, there are days when I look back and see all too clearly why I did it... yet am finally able to forgive myself for that, noting the circumstances. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't claim to know everything, but I believe the human experience is about sharing stories to help one another. There are always lessons learned. That is what I hope to get at in this blog.

9 comments:

  1. Anonymous4:54 PM

    Bless you, for doing this...for the gift you're giving to all of us in this situation...looking desperately, for something to hold on to. I've found it, in your words...it echo's so much of my own pain. Thank you, most sincerely!

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  2. Anonymous8:35 AM

    I dont know if i could ever manage to repair my marriage to its actual condition.. i was cheated by my husband for 3 years simultaneously despite my confrontation he promised he wouldnt do it again but continued, now i found myself comforting in an old friend's love via emails,texts and my husband found out about this affair..

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  3. Anonymous8:57 AM

    I am hoping for help from your blog. I'm going to read it now. I'm fresh from an affair, and going through some withdrawls... and I'm just so sad. I want to make my marriage work, but don't feel I can talk to anyone about my true feelings. Thank you for writing this.

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  4. I hope it helps too. This time you are in now is the worst... I promise it gets better and easier every day. Just try to stay strong, you can do it! If you are not already seeing a therapist I highly recommend it. You do need to talk to someone about your feelings to air them, and it helps that it can be a real person. Good luck, and I hope my story helps a bit! I didn't think I could make it either..... but here I am.

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  5. Anonymous1:33 PM

    Thank you for writing this my husband just found out today, somethings I had done a year ago... and all I wanna do is go kill myself..

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  6. Be strong- if you can get past these first rough days, you can do anything. It's possible. Be kind to yourself. We are all human.

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  7. Anonymous3:12 PM

    Please don't minimize the impact of an affair by calling it a "mistake". Those happen inadvertently. This was a conscious choice that was made repeatedly by you and your affair partner. Your ability to share your healing experience with your husband is commendable and I'm grateful for your doing it. However terms like "mistake" dilute the reality of one's behavior while meeting another man for sex or whatever while married to your husband NEVER happens by "mistake".

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  9. Women who commit adultery a crime worse than murder should be burned alive. so that the evil is purged from among humanity

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