Do you want to know the worst part? When I do get turned on all by myself, I think about girls a lot. Is that twisted? I'm sure the ex affair partner thought it was hot. We actually talked about it so I know he did. Have told my husband but he gets threatened. Felt that way before the affair too. I know I'm not totally into women, but there's no denying the turn-on. There, another beautiful thing about the internet. No reason to hide the truth. There it is.
The perspective of over three years is astounding. I had insomnia tonight and slept a grand total of about 20 minutes. In the past sleepless nights came with thoughts of our fantasy life together, or replaying steamy scenes from our sordid past. Tonight, here is what I remembered with stunning clarity: each and every time he let me down, and precisely how. Let's review two bookends that serve as nice highlights, shall we? 1. When talking about my mom that had passed just 6 months after our affair started, I remarked that she had been so young. ExAP's comment? "How old was she?" Me: "64." Him: "That's not THAT young." Thanks asshole. 2. When he started dating the girl he's now married to, it was one week after our last tryst. Just over a month after that began, he brought her to a party at our house. The party was supposed to start at 7. Most people didn't get there until 8pm or later. He and the new GF showed up at 5:00pm. DH and ...
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