Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it.
So I ask myself: WHY.
Why did the ex affair partner's touch and glance, and even voice on the phone make me so wet and ready? And why did I think about sex so much when I was with him that sometimes I would sneak to the bathroom at work to take care of myself? What was it about him that captured so perfectly the match for my libido, whereas my husband did the opposite? And more importantly... this is really the most important thing... why did I come so infrequently with the affair partner? I'd be so turned on, so ready to eat him alive, and then..... most of the time I faked it. Yes, it's horrifying but true. There were a few spectacular times when I did hit the ceiling, but I'd say my batting average with affair sex was about 20% at best. I remained turned on and excited throughout the whole thing, but he was rarely able to push me over the edge. With my husband, I almost NEVER think about wanting to have sex with him, let alone wanting to have sex at all. Yet when we do, it's almost always a home run for me.
Why is this? What was it about that other man that was so exciting yet unfulfilling? And how can I find an attraction to my husband that will match his capacity to satisfy me? It's the one thing I fear is broken forever in this whole thing. For now, my plan is to just endure. After all, it does pay off in the end. Thoughts?