7.03.2009

Hot Summer

I haven't posted in a while but that doesn't mean I haven't still been processing. It strikes me that hotter summer days make my mind stray back to being deviant. What is it about heat and humidity that make me feel like such a bad girl? I've pretty much abandoned all plans to contact him now that I know he's engaged. And still my mind won't let go. I realized as I found pictures of the new house he just bought online by googling his new fiancee's name and his name that I might be a little sick and twisted to still be tracking him still. It gives me some solace to tell myself he still thinks about me, even if that isn't true. Sorry for a somewhat sad post, but it comes from a somewhat sad mind.

2 comments:

  1. Hey there. You left a comment on my blog, so I came to check out yours. You're doing great work here. Writing has also always helped me move through tough times.
    My affair ended in April two years ago when my husband found out about it. That first 6 months was absolute torture. We went through intensive counseling, and now, more than two years later, we are great. We have had a baby since then, and we couldn't be closer.
    But I wanted you to know, the pain never goes away completely. Sure, I will go weeks with no thought of the xAP at all, and then BOOM, a song on the radio plays and I'm taken right back to him. I can still vividly see times we were together, and that hurts. The good thing is, I have learned to deal now. That indeed does get better. I understand your pain of his engagement. I recently found out that my xAP ended up marrying the girlfriend he was with during our affair. They also had a baby girl within weeks of me having mine. That stings at times. But luckily I have a wonderful husband who loves me and a family I can come home to now. I hope you have this as well. Feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to.

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  2. Thank you so much for your thoughts, Smiles. It's good to know that I'm not alone. Not so good to know that the pain never goes away, but by this point I had kind of guessed at that. Some days are great. Others I'm like an obsessed creature. I'm so glad you have found a new start with your husband and begun a family together. It's good to have new good things you create together to hold onto.

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