1.27.2010

I think I'm past the finish line

Girls.... those of you that have been checking in and still reading, thank you. I obviously haven't been here as regularly and haven't posted in a while. I think it might be over. The obsession. I am going to leave this blog up as a hopeful message to others who want to get over an affair. It is possible. It just takes time and dedication. I may return here now and again to post something helpful, or if I am feeling weak again. Or god forbid if I get contacted. But here we are... it's been about a year and a half since our last phone contact and I think that's the amount of time it took, roughly, for no contact to last. Four year relationship = at least 1 year, maybe more like 2 years no contact until you stop thinking about him every. single. day. There are whole days when I don't think of him. He is still there in my head, but he doesn't have the power anymore. It's possible girls. Hang in there and thank you for all of your support.

8 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:53 PM

    I'm so happy to hear this, congrats for staying strong. I'm getting there too, I hope. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  2. Anonymous6:24 PM

    This is great news! So happy for you. I've stopped cyber stalking and have noticed a remarkable improvement within me. I've blocked his # from my cell and deleted all pics from my work computer. I still think of him EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. But in time I won't. I'll check back here from time to time. Hopefully you'll let us know how you're doing. You've helped more than you know. ((HUGS)) E

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  3. Thank you both! Hugs back!

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  4. Anonymous12:47 PM

    I need some help here...I am just beginning this race and the finish line for me seems so very far away that I am not sure I can catch it.
    Here's my story...
    My dh and I have been married almost 14 years and together 21 (I am 40). About 7 years ago...it began with a mutual friend (more his) through msn mainly, the chats, the flirting, the ongoing excitement that eventually led to the "affair". It has been 5 years since it got physical, and that is pretty much all it has been (for him anyway). There would be periods of time when it wasn't for months at a time, and sometimes a few times a month but it has continued that long...
    I am married to an amazing man and amazing father, he is loyal, tells me how beautiful I am and our sex life is very very statisfying (5-6 times a week). I have spent all these years loathing who I have become, my esteem sinking to lows I have never felt, wondering why I am doing what I am doing, what am I doing it for, and have YET to understand what I am getting out of it...because I never got any "feelings" from my AP except to tell me he just enjoys having sex with me. It is never a fulfilling experience for me usually in terms of satisfaction and it is over quick and then there is a period of days when he will not contact me. Then the cycle continues...
    In these years he has had the same girlfriend, last year got married at a courthouse and posted beautiful pics on FB (he never even told me he was getting married...that is how I found out...) Prior to this he told me it needed to stop and I said OK (wasn't going to beg) but it didn't, he made contact before long at all. He continued a great deal during the first 6 months of the marriage and then in Sept 09 told me it had to stop again as they were having a baby. It didn't for long...
    All in the meantime, I was ridden with more guilt imagineable because as a woman how could I possibly be doing this to another woman who just got married and expecting her first child??? My dh has never found out, I have many great friends, and only one of them knows....no one else. It has been a secret, a burden and it has been so hard to cope alone.
    4 weeks ago, he stopped all contact. NO REASON (not given to me), NO EXPLANATION, nothing... i tried 4 times during this period to initiate a conversation and ask what was going on...nothing, no reponse. My heart is ripped out, my wound is open wide and I have to fake everyday that things in my life, my husbands life and my childrens lives are normal. I have to stop myself from crying when I hear certain songs, when I hear my husband talk about him. I have to face his son each day (my profession). I deleted and blocked him from msn, and blackberry today...it was embarassing to see him on there and not have him say a word to me. I could go on, but am rambling as it is. I know it is best, I know it was so not worth this pain, I Know he didn't care like I did, I know I need to focus on myself and forgiveness, I know I need to work on my marriage, but whan you don't know what is missing to begin with, how do you fix it? Telling dh is not an option...does anyone have advice? Thanks

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  5. To anonymous-- I can only reply very briefly right now... husband is in the shower! I usually post on this at work, but work has been crazy busy. I'll give you a longer post soon, maybe this weekend. But my first piece of advice is: GET INTO THERAPY. As soon as you can. If you can't tell your H, you need some help to give the AP up. Hang in there and more later!

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  6. Anonymous5:55 PM

    TY, look forward to hearing from you. I tried counselling last year...it felt good to spill my guts to a stranger, but she was no help...she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know and it just was pointless. It is 31 days NC... stuggling to have "closure" even though I think I am just struggling...

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  7. No contact is so crucial... I would NOT have been able to stop it on my own. I needed the train wreck of DH finding out to really get to that point. We would have stretches of no contact that lasted up to 3 months... but it never stuck until it fucked up my entire life. I hope that is not what you have to go through-- but I know if you are like me, you cannot do it alone. More later!

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  8. Anonymous7:29 PM

    Thank You...
    Some days I am so pissed that my strength is amazing...others I am crushed and feel like a helpless infant...all the while trying to be a wife, a mom, a teacher to all those troubled adolescence I teach...I have lost myself so much along the way. No one who knows me would imagine in a million years I have become this person I despise. This A contradicts everything I have ever stood for and valued in my life...that is one of the hardest things to deal with. There has not been one positive thing to come from it... yet to let it go is heartwrenching...how is that possible?? I have tried to read through your posts and gather strength through the possibility that there will come a point where the "obsession" subsides and the addiction lessens. The 9th of this month is one year to the day I saw his Wedding pictures posted...and it was my H who showed them to me when I arrived home from work that day...imagine NOT trying to react with anything but wonderful comments about how beautiful they looked (funny thing is, he didn't even mention to my H he was getting married that day). On the 17th of this month I have to attend an event that he will be part of (something I cannot get out of)...it is making me sick inside. His W is due with their first child right around that time...hope he can't make it. Look forward to your words of wisdom...Thank you

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