Owwwwwwwwwwww, ouch. OK, if there was ever an argument for staying in the dark about the ex affair partner, this is it. I have of course blocked him on all of my social networking pages. Stupidly I unblocked just to see if he had written on any mutual friends pages. And yes he did. Just yesterday, he wrote that "we have been engaged for almost two weeks now." I don't have anything to say. Just ow. That fucking really hurts. I wish I didn't know it.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
Why are you still married to your husband? They say affairs happen for a reason, and that reason isn't because of the love and quality relationship you have with your husband. You still obviously have strong feelings for someone other than your husband after all this time. I don't get why you stay with him. Just a fallback? A safety net? Also, why didn't you and the AP ever try to start a permanent-type relationship if you felt (and feel) so strongly about him, obviously much stronger than you do your husband?
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