You know the bitch of it all? After all these revelations, all it takes is a sunny summer day to make me want him so bad I can taste it. So bad that body parts get swollen and slick without warning on a drive from point A to point B. Maybe that's too much information, but you ARE reading the dirty and despicable blog, aren't you? This is the truth. Nothing more, nothing less. Even past the one year no contact mark, this can still happen. FYI.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
Fuck .. after a year that can still happen !!! Noooooo!! Im about to end a brief emotional but intense affair so thought I'd read your blog and youre scaring me already!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry... if it helps, I do not get these anymore, about four years later. Fleeting thoughts at most, easily batted away. Not gripping.
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