Make it through the day. Make it through the week. Make it through the month. Make it through another year. God, sometimes it is just so bad. Other times I don't think of him at all. I truly view myself as a recovering drug addict. He is still in my system at a dangerous level, in my opinion. Just have to wait it out. The fact that a new day can mean a new attitude is about the only hopeful thing I can find in all of this. It keeps me strong.
The perspective of over three years is astounding. I had insomnia tonight and slept a grand total of about 20 minutes. In the past sleepless nights came with thoughts of our fantasy life together, or replaying steamy scenes from our sordid past. Tonight, here is what I remembered with stunning clarity: each and every time he let me down, and precisely how. Let's review two bookends that serve as nice highlights, shall we? 1. When talking about my mom that had passed just 6 months after our affair started, I remarked that she had been so young. ExAP's comment? "How old was she?" Me: "64." Him: "That's not THAT young." Thanks asshole. 2. When he started dating the girl he's now married to, it was one week after our last tryst. Just over a month after that began, he brought her to a party at our house. The party was supposed to start at 7. Most people didn't get there until 8pm or later. He and the new GF showed up at 5:00pm. DH and ...
I've read a few blogs and whatnot about people recovering from affairs. Most of them concentrate on the difficult work they do with their spouse, reconnecting with their spouse, how to heal, discover what led to the affair, perhaps make their marriage even better than before. Your blog, even years after d-day, is ENTIRELY about your AP.
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