Make it through the day. Make it through the week. Make it through the month. Make it through another year. God, sometimes it is just so bad. Other times I don't think of him at all. I truly view myself as a recovering drug addict. He is still in my system at a dangerous level, in my opinion. Just have to wait it out. The fact that a new day can mean a new attitude is about the only hopeful thing I can find in all of this. It keeps me strong.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
I've read a few blogs and whatnot about people recovering from affairs. Most of them concentrate on the difficult work they do with their spouse, reconnecting with their spouse, how to heal, discover what led to the affair, perhaps make their marriage even better than before. Your blog, even years after d-day, is ENTIRELY about your AP.
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