Once again, thank you to everyone who has read posts here and shared comments on their experiences. I appreciate comments that are both positive and negative. I realize not everyone sees me as a saint- and to the person who called me a "skank," well.... that's OK. I get it. The point is, I started this blog to help others in the same situation try to avoid some of the mistakes I made, or at least to know how to deal with them and move forward into a more positive place. Yes, I know I made mistakes. I think it's each of our jobs to work on our own failings. A blog can never convey the hurt, pain, guilt, and penance an individual pays out. But let it be known, mistakes come at a cost. To you, and to the people you love. But I've never really been into judging others. I just wanted to try and help. Because making a mistake doesn't make you a horrible person for the rest of your life. You can start being different. You can start being better. Right now. I wanted
Sometimes listening to my iPod in the car one of the songs comes on. THE songs. They were more than just music. We traded them back and forth like messages in a bottle to one another in emotionally encoded mix CD's that meant something, but weren't supposed to mean something.... if asked, that is what you'd say, anyway. We had to be cool about our sordid affair. Nobody was supposed to really care about one another. Most of the time anymore I skip past these songs. I'm not there anymore. It's a chapter of my life I've largely closed. But sometimes I like to revisit these dogeared sections of the difficult past. There are times it really helps me relive the powerful AHA moment of realizing, I'm done with it. And I know why. And I've forgiven myself, and him, for everything. This is actually one I came across after the last contact. It wasn't something I ever gave to him... maybe that's why I'm still able to stomach it, and get something out of