I thought of the AP today randomly and realized.... I can't even clearly picture his face anymore. That feels so freeing.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
It must! I can't wait until I get to that faze in all this bullshit. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMy affair has been over for 18 months and not a day goes by that I don't think of my xap. I memorized the topography of his face so well when I was with him that it feels ingrained in my brain. I wonder if he'll ever fade from my memory???
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