I am just back to work today after a late return from vacation last night. It didn't take me long to find things to stab myself in the eye with things early this morning, but the giant pile waiting for me at work is keeping me busy. I suspect I will spend a lot of my weekend really poring over all of it; turning over every last rock. DH will be gone all day Sunday. The initial reaction is that it was a beautiful event. A goddamn beautiful, classy event. Shit.
The perspective of over three years is astounding. I had insomnia tonight and slept a grand total of about 20 minutes. In the past sleepless nights came with thoughts of our fantasy life together, or replaying steamy scenes from our sordid past. Tonight, here is what I remembered with stunning clarity: each and every time he let me down, and precisely how. Let's review two bookends that serve as nice highlights, shall we? 1. When talking about my mom that had passed just 6 months after our affair started, I remarked that she had been so young. ExAP's comment? "How old was she?" Me: "64." Him: "That's not THAT young." Thanks asshole. 2. When he started dating the girl he's now married to, it was one week after our last tryst. Just over a month after that began, he brought her to a party at our house. The party was supposed to start at 7. Most people didn't get there until 8pm or later. He and the new GF showed up at 5:00pm. DH and ...
I want to say the perfect thing, that will make it feel better.
ReplyDeleteBut, I'm not sure there is such a thing.
So, hugs. And hang in there.
This too shall pass.
Kim
Thank you Kim. You're right, there is no such thing. Except the voice in my head that has started to insist there has to be more to life than looking back over my shoulder.
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