OK guys, I know better than to say I've changed until at least a month or so passes... but I think I might have changed. At least a little bit. I decided to try not checking my stalker places at all this week as a goal, and it was pretty easy to do for a while. I found myself at home alone just now and went to check one of the places, and you know what? It just didn't feel good. Some part of me finally recognized that going there is like clubbing myself over the head. It hurts. And it's pointless. So why do it? My new goal? Don't check any of those places until at least the end of the month. Baby steps. Let's see if I can do this....
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
Good for you sweetie! I wish you to the end of the month with no new hurts and a possible extension! ;)
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Thank you E!
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