OK. So ladies? Or men. I suppose, men too, that are in this situation. But are you? Feh, different post. Let's stick with ladies for now. When we are looking for messages. Again. Everywhere. Or signs. And we find none? Let's read this instead, shall we? You are the only one thinking about this right now. He is with her, and she just got back from somewhere, and they will leave the party tonight together, and they will fuck like mad. And will you be there? No you will not. Will you be in his head? No you will not. Will he call you? At least be motherfucking realistic for god's fucking sake. NO. He will not. You want to keep the phone by your bed? Fine. Then you can talk to your other dumbass drunk friend at 2am and don't bitch about it. You are just like that doormat you despise so much, aren't you? Because even though it's suddenly crystal clear, you are really powerless to resist anyway. The glimmer of hope. It holds you. It has its way with you. Fucking kick that bitch in the shins, you idiot. Not tonight, I guess. Fuck.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
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