I feel kind of like I've been drugged lately. The other day I reminded myself it's not just that I'm being weak and stupid... it's totally understandable to think of him so much when he is getting married in just a few weeks. I was in a hot-tub on top of a houseboat this weekend. The water was really rough at one point and we were all getting sloshed and tossed around in the hot-tub. Water was spilling out; it was a total mess. I felt like that has been my insides since learning about his engagement. I also find now that I am literally expecting his call. Like, somewhere in me I'm certain he will be the next person who is on the phone when I pick it up at work. Having stupid expectations only leads to hurt and disappointment. And sloshiness.
So, sometime in the last month, I hit the true one year no contact mark. The last time I heard from the ex affair partner, he called me at work because he had gotten wind of an email announcement my husband and I drafted together last May. It was a message we decided to jointly send to our mutual friends (friends with us and the ex affair partner) to tell them that the affair happened, and ask them to not mention the ex affair partner to us anymore. We also asked them to keep it confidential. Obviously since he called me about it someone told him... not surprising I guess. We all were part of a pretty close-knit group of friends while the affair was going on. It's been five years or more since we have all lived in the same state, but we knew most of our mutual friends still kept in contact with the ex affair partner. So it follows that one of them was still close enough with him to tell him we had sent the message. Anyway. Here's what it felt like to hear his voice on the oth...
Two years out, I still think the next call will be him. Hope is the hardest thing to kill sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI'm roughly two years out as well. I just wish it would fizzle.
ReplyDeleteOne year out but it still feel like yesterday...
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WHy did you people end these affairs ? Reading this Im feeling like I need better reasons than the ones I have !! I have no kids , just a really good loving man who Im hurting on a daily basis at the moment !!
ReplyDeleteI am now sane. That is why.
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