I just re-read the letter I wrote to the ex affair partner a few weeks back. The first few nights after sleeping on it, re-reading it was enjoyable. I like re-reading what I've written usually. But now, after that magical real one year mark, and after almost a month of sleeping on it... I tried to re-read it and just couldn't. I kept asking myself, "why did you even write this? He knows all of this and so do you. It's been said." I think there is something new happening in me. Could it be that the drug is finally exiting my system? There might be hope for all of us yet if so.
Here's the thing. Everyone knows affair sex is hotter, dirtier, more forbidden.... etcetera. So I'm not going to just state the obvious. My question here is, WHY. I've been asking myself this as my husband and I put our physical connections back together. We always had a pretty good sex life before and during the affair. So it wasn't like my satisfaction was lacking. The problem was the interest. I'd see the husband ogling my tits or groping me and my immediate reaction was repulsion and dread. "Please don't let him be interested in sex tonight," I'd think. Then he would be, and somehow I'd get over this invisible hurdle, and be into it at some point. At other points I wouldn't, but for the most part that is our pattern. Husband initiates, I feign interest but am not really interested, and in fact sometimes repulsed, and then at some point the animal instinct kicks in and I enjoy it. So I ask myself: WHY.
same xap again: right! give him credit for understanding, in order to avoid stirring up these feelings in you both. it's a trap...
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support!
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