My dirty, despicable, horrible affair

Hello everyone. I've just edited the blog a bit to hopefully make it more readable. I've inserted jump points in my longer posts so someone scanning for the first time doesn't have to scroll through the longer posts to get a sense for the direction of this whole thing. Another update for you: the universe handed me another password giving me access to info about exAP. I was too weak to not try it. It worked. Now I can see his FB feed whenever I like. I have been relieved that he doesn't post there a lot. How and why do I stop? I can't un-know the login. I didn't pry for it either... it was given to me in a completely unrelated context. I guess I should stop listening so closely. Anyway, I've been checking that about once a week. Ugh. Need to stop. Good news in all of this: he bores me. Also, his power weakens and weakens still. Coming up on the two year anniversary of true no contact in May too!

I can hear the pain and struggling in every word of your comments two posts down. I know how that feels-- to not even know what you are getting out of something, but still need it and crave it so much. I hear you saying a lot of negative things about yourself. You hate who you have become. You don't know how to fix your marriage because it is great already. Um, hello? If you are hating yourself so much, then obviously not all is OK with you.